im used to feedback and constructive criticism. i scream from the top of my lungs about how i like confrontation. im a strong brave person and i take my issues head on. i do not like to string out an issue or bad feelings. that just makes you resentful and bitter. and being bitter makes you ugly on the inside. I think that just because i confront things that make me upset, people view me as difficult and scary. because i call people out too often. instead of just being a chill ass girl and letting it go. but i don’t do any of that without the exepctation that i hope poeople do it back to me. because if you’re my friend i hope we can help each other be better by apologizing for our wrongdoings
i guess now have to go ask every single person ive ever met and ask them if they think im a bad person. but even if they say they don’t think that, how do you know they’re telling the truth? someone just lied about liking you for 2 months. and instead of just telling you the moment you started to make them feel bad, they just stopped inviting you to hangouts with your other friends over the course of 2 months, and made you feel left out. but it’s not like you can say anything because it’s not like they’ve ever said you’ve done something wrong. because life is just busy right? i’m sure it’s not personal, everyone just has different schedules.
but then all of a sudden the friend group you used to see all the time is separate clique with one less perosn, because they’ve dropped you. and so you ask, “hey have you told our friends about your feelings for me?” and you’re just met with guilty silence. and they cant bring themselves to admit that they’ve been shit talking you for 2 months. because they just start accusing “you’re telling me you’ve never talked behind someone’s back?” Just because i’ve partaken in the human phenomenon of gossiping doesn’t make what you said about me to MY roomate, to MY friends okay. and you’re right, maybe the rest of our group doesn’t like me. maybe they have the exact same feelings. but i guess they’re too cowardly to ever say it to my face, and somehow i should be on my knees giving you an award because you were so brave to come forward despite the fact that you’ve “never been so afraid to talk to someone”. that i’m the scariest person you’ve ever had to confront. so if you just didn’t like my personality, if it really is something so insignificant about us being just too fundamentally different, why didn’t you just shut the fuck up and move on with your life? why did you sit around talking shit about me to my four other friends for two months? i won’t be able to ever trust them again, because they could all secretly hate me too, just like you’ve been doing. you admitted to treating me coldly, and offered no apology for that unkindness.