iโm not sure what direction i should head in with my personal and external goals. not that anyone ever knows this, but ive been feeling extra EXTRA unsure recently. also probably a product of my blatant unemployed-ness and constant failure at hacking away at internships. so that just tops off to an extra dose of insecure as well. All i want to do is dj and hang out with my sister in my bedroom and dress up and take stupid pictures and eat snacks and listen to music. Maybe thats why ive been engaging in so much beverage hedonism and romance content (SATC). Recession behaviours or whatever. #pain. i guess im a firm believer in that feelings of discomfort just means youโre changing and im excited to see how i change.ย
on an even more depressing note, so many things have been going wrong for so many people i know, near and far. People have been acting WEIRD. i (lowkey) have 2 stalkers, one that makes me feel like im going crazy b/c i cant tell if its real or not, and the other is a pharamcist at CVS who thought it was a good idea to ask for my instagram while i was picking up my upped dose of Zoloft. I also saw her at renfaire... yikes. I also feel like some weird karmic cycle ended in my dating life. Recently, things ended with the first man i went on a date with/had sex with. That marks 3 times that things have ended in the same way with peopole iโve attempted to date. maybe 3rd times the charm and iโm finally released now. IDGAF im dating to marry. Im also really sad that I have to call myself bisexual now. I used to think they werenโt real and i was secretly so jealous but now i guess its cool that I actually get to be that. im gonna start going to church or something. something sinister is going on and it just motivates me further to DJ.ย